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Sometimes true love can be found closer than you think.

He invited the three of us for lunch. As we sat around his table with Doc and James, the kids both connected to him. He was kind and gentle. Despite his size, which usually intimidates small children, they were drawn to him. James took Missy on a tour of his home while I fed Brad. Doc looked at me and wanted to talk.
"I think you made the right decision."

"I hope so, I really do."

"Why do you doubt it?"

"Am I giving him a choice?"

"If you had been the one with cancer and your wife was the vet, James now would be in love with Jenny and the rose would be called 'Alex's lullaby.'"

"But, how do you know he loves me?"

"You don't get it do you? It doesn't matter to him. You are warm and kind and caring. You see him for what he can be, not for what he isn't. He couldn't help but love you. Don't doubt that."

With those last words, Doc got up and left the house. I watched him go, wondering, hoping his words were true. I finished feeding Brad as Missy and James returned. I gathered them up and left, telling James I would return in a while. I left and took them to my mother's house, leaving the children in her hands and returned home to gather a few items of clothing and then drove back out to the ranch. My hands were shacking. Out of nervousness or excitement I don't know. Each warred within me. I was in love again and I was also going to be making love with someone who probably had no experience whatsoever. It was daunting. It was charming. It was nerve-wracking. I pulled up to the ranch house right about sunset. The night was warm, but not too warm. The sun set behind the majesty of the Cascades a single light was left on in the house. It felt like coming home. I knocked on the door and James let me in. He guided me to a room that was filled with bookshelves and a roaring fire. There was an open book on a table by the fire. The floor to ceiling windows looked out on the rose garden. I smiled at the sight.

"What are you reading?"

He named one of my favorites and we chatted about it for a minute. I was nervous and I think James picked up on it. But he finally asked: "What are you doing here?"

"I came to see you. I came to talk to you."

"What about?"

"James, about that night in the shower..."

"I'm sorry about that. I just had some bad memories come up."

"Will you tell me about them?"

He nodded. "I was in the shower when I was about fourteen. I was just washing. But when I got down between my legs, I got hard. I wasn't playing with it, I just got hard."

I nodded and told him that it happened to most fourteen year olds. He blushed a little but continued.

"Daddy walked in and saw me rinsing off, I was just holding it up to rinse underneath. He thought I was playing with it. He hollered at me. I got out of the shower and tried to explain what happened. He just told me to go to my room and to bed. That night he came at me with his belt. It was the first time."

I walked up to him and cupped his face. He still looked ashamed. I didn't kiss him. I didn't want him to panic again. But I pulled his chin up to look in my eyes.

"James, we all get hard sometimes. It is completely natural. It wasn't your fault. I'm sorry I brought you bad memories when I kissed you."

"You brought me good memories when you kissed me. I can't stop thinking about it."

"James, we need to talk about that. I will probably offend you by asking some questions, but I don't mean to hurt your feelings."

"You asked if you would hurt my feelings. No one ever asks Alex. Or apologize for it. That means you are thinking of me more than of yourself. No one does that either."

It made me smile. "James, what do you feel for me?"

"I love you."

That simple. It made me wonder. "When did you realize that you love me?"

"It isn't a time. It's a feeling. I watch you when you come out to the ranch. You don't discount me. You treat me like any other man. But if I had to give you a time, probably when I gave you the roses."

His words warmed me, but now came the tricky part. "Am I the only one you love?"

"No Alex, I

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