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Monica and Jennifer travel with Bill to the Bar D Ranch.
If she could live her life over again, instead of blowing through everything during her busy day, she'd live her life at a much slower and relaxed pace. Instead of wishing for something else and/or for something better later, she'd take more time to enjoy the time she had now, even those ordinary, mundane days. With her always worried and wondering about tomorrow, her todays too quickly became yesterdays.
'Tick, tick, tick...'
Whether it was good or bad, this was her life and her time on Earth. Yet, sometimes feeling that her life was nothing more than a video recording, because of all that she had to do during the day, she had lived too much of her life in fast forward. Having to deal with the daily drudgery of working outside her home, cooking, cleaning, and caring for her children, while trying to sexually satisfy her husband, there was never any time left for her. With everyone taking a piece of her, she had nothing left for herself.
If she could live her life over again but in slow, thoughtful motion, sad for her to admit the truth, Kathy probably wouldn't have married her husband, John. Obviously, with him wanting sex, especially a blowjob, and with him too kind, gentle, and sensitive of a man to force her to give him what he so wanted and what she so needed, she had married the wrong man. Now that she admitted that to herself, if only he forced her to give him sex, she'd give him sex. Yet, how could she tell him that without her coming across as being a whore? With him never figuring that out himself, she wondered how different her life would have been had she married someone else.
Even though she thought about being with another man when she was younger, she couldn't even conceive the thought of being with someone else now. Not that she was happier now, she wasn't, and not that she was unhappy now, she wasn't, but she had gotten used to the idea of living out the rest of her life as best as she could and until death do you part. Sadly for him but not for her, they lived more like brother and sister than they did husband and wife, that is until the ugly inconvenience of sex and him begging her for a blowjob interfered with their marriage.
Living vicariously through the authors' words, she fulfilled whatever else she wanted and needed by reading her books, mostly romance novels. With Kathy having experienced all the sex she could possibly ever want before she was married and through reading her romance novels now, sex and the lack thereof loomed larger in John's mind than it did in her mind. Had she married someone else, she wondered if they'd expect her to give them sex, especially blowjobs, in the way that John expected her to give him sex and blowjobs. No doubt, they would. Yet, they'd be more of a man about it than John ever was. Perhaps, they'd force her to give them sex.
Embarrassed by her secret, by her sexual weaknesses, and by her fantasies of wanton, sexual desire, she never told her husband that if he was more forcefully aggressive with her that she'd give him all the sex he could handle. How would he know that she'd be his sexual slave and his sexy slut if she didn't tell him? Yet, with him an aggressive man and her a submissive woman, he should know such things that when a woman says no, she was really saying yes. Yet, he wasn't an aggressive man and she wasn't a submissive woman.
If ever he wanted to learn more about her, her diary was there in plain sight to read, if only he'd open it and read it. Yet, too respectfully considerate, never mind forcing her to have sex, he wouldn't even harbor the thought of reading her diary. Only, with her not wanting him to think her a whore, rather that he thinks of her as a shyly retiring librarian, she'd never initiate sex, especially in that vulgar way that she initiated sex before with men she didn't even know.
If only he was more of a brut of a man than a gentleman and forced her to stroke his cock and/or suck his cock, s