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More discussion, A decision is made, bi F+F.
If she's gained 100 pounds and just doesn't float your boat, she's got to know. If you've let yourself go as well, and loaf around the house in a ripped up unwashed t-shirt that makes her want to stay away from you, she's got to tell you. Neither of you are mind readers. But you just can't, and shouldn't, suffer in silence. Have a candid discussion, using tact and a gentle, not blaming tone, to discuss how you feel about each other and the situation.
These points bear further scrutiny. The first thing I had to know was if her head was still in the marriage. If we had faded away somehow without knowing, then I didn't want to waste both our efforts in mending something beyond repair. Perhaps she had lost her desire for me. I'm not the gorgeous young boy I used to be, I guess. I just needed the truth. The truth was, we were ok there.
Second, I found she didn't realize that there had been a problem. Can you imagine? Talk about a communications gap. Yet it's so incredibly common. My friends all agree. You see, no two people have the same sex drive. Mine happens to be very strong, while hers is probably average. Therefore, while I was drowning in my frustration, she thought our sex life was just fine.
Third, although she told me she'd be happy to try new things, she didn't have the first idea of what to change or how. In short, it was up to me. That was just fine, I don't mind doing a little research. But the salient issue here is that she was willing to improve our sex life. If she hadn't, if she had been insulted that what we had wasn't enough for me, then we would have had a much greater problem. Not insurmountable, but more significant.
So now I had my mandate - "OK, let's improve our sex life." But how? I personally can't stand when people tell me all about the problem but offer no solution. Not me. So - here's your blueprint, here's what I did.
1. I discovered porn. Not gross, disgusting, boring porn, but hot adult entertainment with gorgeous girls, good looking guys and reasonable plots. The first time we watched one, my wife got so horny she could hardly control herself - and didn't. This effect didn't occur as strongly after a few videos, and you can't go back to the well too often, but an occasional video is arousing as hell. More important, you can learn many great positions from these videos. If you really want specific recommendations, email me.
By the way, the effects of port hold true regardless of the medium. So, reading stories from this website, or other erotic stories, can have the same effect. One of the most important and valuable aspects of adult entertainment of any variety is to help you switch gears from talking about how your day was or what the kids are doing, to thinking about and engaging is satisfying sex.
2. I bought her some sexy outfits. I know a lot of people think, "why buy them, they just come right off." Well, do they have to? Can't she wear it under a robe around the house? Or under her clothes when you're out to dinner, a foreshadow of things to 'cum' later? The point of sexy lingerie is not how long it's on, but how it makes her feel about herself. When your lady starts thinking about herself as a sexual person, only good things can come of it. Same goes for you. Are you still wearing those stained 'tighty whities' with the elastic coming out of the band? The kind you wore in summer camp 25 years ago? Get some new underpants man! Splurge on $5-10 a pair. Either nice tight briefs, boxer briefs or silk boxers - whatever you're comfortable in. Buy a pair of each and ask her what she likes.
3. Change the scenery. We went away for a romantic weekend to kick off our new foray into romance and sexual adventure. We went to a B&B in the country, but it can be anywhere, as long as it's time alone without distraction. It was as though we were on a new, exciting journey together. It has to be together.