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The trial begins.

It was 'crush time' as it was known and I was right in the middle of it. "Fuck it," I thought to myself, "I need a drink. I'll catch the seven back tonight."

I walked the short distance to the train station cafe and sat at the bar where I had an excellent view of the train platform and ordered a vodka and cranberry cocktail. I watched as the six o'clock train pulled out. Then I watched again as the seven o'clock train pulled away. At this point my mind was working again and I knew ... I just knew I wasn't getting on the eight o'clock train either.

"I know what the fuck you're doing Dottie," my mind was telling me. "Who the shit do you think you're kidding ... you're waiting for her ... right?"

"No, no, no," the other part of my mind was saying. "Why the hell would I do that? She's only another woman. Yes, she's pretty and yes, she does do something to me but hell no, I'm just having a few drinks."

There was a 'battle' going on within my thought processes. One part of my mind was trying to be truthful no matter what the outcome would be. The other part was in denial, in the self-preservation mode ... just in case!

I looked at my wrist watch. It was eight thirty and the crowd was thinning out rapidly. I had a good view of the entire platform and my eyes were every where. No Deni ... no where! At eight forty five I left the caf__ and walked slowly up and down the platform. I didn't see her anywhere. My heart started to get that sinking feeling again. I knew time was finally running out and my 'expectations' were on a downturn again.

"See you stupid fucking lady," the self preservation part of my mind started again. "She probably lied to you. Why the hell do you think she would actually tell you her schedule? What the fuck are you to her ... nothing, nothing, nothing!"

At eight fifty-five I finally gave in. The self-preservation part of my mind had won. I got on the train and the first thing I thought was "Deni was right, the train was not crowded and there was a large choice of seats." I picked a seat on the end where I felt no one would want to sit with me. I sat down by the window where I could see the train platform ... just in case ... my last hope!!!

The whistle signifying 'last call to board' blew. No one came on my car and I knew it was over. I gulped loudly as I felt the first movement of the train. I was looking out the window at the platform as we slowly began to move out of the train station.

"May I sit here," I heard the voice ... the voice ... what??? ... that voice!!!

I turned quickly and looked up ... looked up at that beautiful face, those big brown eyes, those lips, the lips that kissed me this morning ... yes, it was her, it was Deni!

"Oh Jesus Christ," I shouted at Deni as my heart started to pound at the first surprise sight of her. I put my head down and brought my hands up to my eyes to rub and squeeze the tears starting to swell up there and to try to cover them up.

"Dottie ... Dottie, are you all right? Is something wrong?" the sweet voice of Deni inquired.

"No Deni ... God no, honey," I answered, the surprise within me starting to subside. "No Deni, I was just thinking of you all day and when I didn't see you I just thought, well, I thought you weren't coming and ..."

"I know Dottie ... I know," Deni cut me off as she sat beside me. "I was thinking of you all day too and I was really running late tonight. But Dottie, why are you crying?"

"Just my reaction at seeing you I guess," I answered. "It's nothing, well, maybe just the happiness within me at seeing you again."

"Oh God, me too," Deni answered in a very gentle and relieved tone of voice. "God, I'm glad to see you too!"

"Listen Deni," I struggled to talk as normally as I could again.

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