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Haley learns that her mom was a high school slut.

many of these have you had?"

"I dunno. Lemme count." Sharon ticked of the numbers on her fingers. Thiz my, one...two...three...four..., my fiveth one. Oops, I mean my fiff - , oh hell, you know wha' I mean. Jimmy makes re-e-e-e-ally, really, really, goo'drinks."

"And I'd say four is about your limit."

"Oh hell, I drunk more'n thiz at t' Christmas party las' year."

"Yeah, well, they weren't Jimmy's rum punches. We better get you home before you fall down."

"Hey! I'll be OK. Jus' don' step on my hands on yer way out." She giggled at her own joke.

Dave winked at him as he helped her through the door. Jake smiled back and waved at him with an extended middle finger.

"My car's ou' here somewhere. Iz a boomer, I mean a bimmer, I mean...oh, fuck. Here'z the keys."

"I think we'll take my car, if you don't mind."

Jake poured her into the passenger seat and she stretched sensuously as he shut the door. Just as he started the engine, Sharon sagged sideways and hit her head on the window.

"Sharon, are you OK."

"Yep, OK over here. You OK over there?" She was rubbing her head.

"Yes. Now where are you staying."

"That li'l place wis all the trees. Iz right by the road."

Jake could see this was going nowhere. "Give me your room key."

Sharon was asleep by the time he parked the car. Waking her up was tough, but Jake didn't want to carry her up the steps. She opened her eyes, threw her arms around his neck and tried to smother him with her mouth.

"Mffft..., Sharon, you're drunk, and you don't know what you're doing. Now let's get you to bed."

"I know wha' I'm doin' an' thank you, I'd love to."

The steps were a struggle because she kept trying to inhale his face, but they finally made it. Getting through the door took a lot of coordination on Jake's part; Sharon didn't have any coordination left. He walked her to the bed and sat her down. She immediately laid back and gave him a drunken, "come here and fuck me" look. When Jake didn't move, she oozed off the edge, tried to stand up, and then grabbed her stomach.

"Oh, God. I'm gonna puke."

Worshipping the great white throne was no fun, and Jake felt for her. He'd have to talk to Jimmy about the pure grain alcohol he'd used in her drinks. After the first productive cleansing efforts, the dry heaves took over, and Sharon was shaking like a leaf when he finally got her to her feet and back in the bed. She was passed out cold by the time Jake pulled the blanket up to her chin. He wrote a note telling her that her car was still at the restaurant, said he'd pick her up to get it if she wanted, and left his phone number.

Jake's phone rang at eleven the next morning. The voice that answered his "Hello" tried to sound casual, but the words came slowly and carefully as if every word was an effort.


"Yes, this is Jake."

"This is Sharon, from last night."

"Hi, Sharon. How you doing?"

"You really don't wanna know.... Your note said you'd take me to get my car?"

"It'll only take me about twenty minutes to get there."

She answered the third knock, and if he hadn't seen her the night before, he would have laughed. Her brown hair was wadded into a topknot, and the eyes that looked at him were full of tiny red lines. She was dressed in clean clothes, but the blouse buttons were one hole off, and the tail was hanging out of her jean shorts. Her bare legs were as white as a perch belly, and she flop-flopped out the door in loose sandals. When the sunshine hit her, she fumbled in her purse, produced a pair of sunglasses, and stabbed herself in the eye in her haste to get them on.

"I take it you're a little under the weather this morning?"

"What the hell did I drink last night? I haven't been this hungover since college."

"Jimmy's rum punch, and I tried to warn you."

"If the elephants pounding my head and stomping my stomach ever quit, I'll try to remember to thank you."

She was quiet for the next couple of miles, and had that same far away look that he'd seen the first night.

"Jake, what did I do last night?"

"You got smashed at the bar, and I took you home.

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