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Getting in over my head in the neighbor's hot tub.

And he is not going to allow me to stop being his.

And i feel a little overwhelmed and a lot guilty... and for some inexplicable reason still a little angry at him... because he is not one to say things out loud, to say what is or is not true... he is very emotionally secretive, distant and in many, many ways mysterious to me. I want it to be easier, to have him tell me exactly what the rules are, what he wants from me, but i know i have to accept it for what it is.

So i am owned and i do have a MASTER. I had it all along. SURPRISE...

After a few hours of being awake Ayva slipped back downstairs. She did not usually do that but today things felt a lot different.

When she woke in the morning much of the anger had dissipated and she knelt at Dick's feet and laid her face on his knee. "I'm sorry."

He did not speak.

She looked up at him and whispered, "How may I serve you."

Dick rolled his eyes and then muttered, "Get me some more coffee."

As he left for work today she asked him again. "Is there anything you want me to do while you are at work today?"

Again he rolled his eyes and frowned and then said, "Clean up the kitchen and run the dishwasher even if it isn't full."

Ayva worked on her stories and emailed friends most of the day, watching the clock. Typically she was waiting until the last minute to do the cleaning. It was around 3:00 pm when she reached behind her back to adjust the cushion she was leaning against and 'pop' something clicked or snapped and she felt a stabbing pain in her back. "Damn it!"

The last thing she needed was Dick getting all apprehensive about hurting her. She stood up and the muscles repeatedly tried to contract and cramp up. She literally forced herself to relax and went and cleaned the kitchen. It only took a little while but it was a ballet of trying to appease the angry pain in her body and get the work done all the same.

She took some anti-inflammatory medication and got out an ice pack and tried to find a marginally comfortable position on the couch.

Dick came home and Ayva casually mentioned that she was having some back pain and did not get up off the couch. Dick laughed and said that she shouldn't have fought so hard, and went to sleep in his chair. Ayva sat as long as she could and then moved into the guest room, and trying very hard not to cry out and wake him, lay down on her back, carefully secreting her icepack between the mattress and the knot in her back.

It was late in the evening when Ayva could not stand laying there doing nothing any longer and carefully, agonizingly eased her feet to the floor and levered herself to stand. Dick had moved and was asleep on the couch, her couch. She eyed his big recliner and put some pillows on it to help support her, put her laptop within reach and gingerly lowered herself to sit.

Her friend had written her back, speaking of her more structured relationship with her husband/Master. Talking about how her Master handled her disobedience. Her friend had mentioned that perhaps Ayva had had a wish answered.

Ayva wrote back.

In the 'be careful what you wish for category'... our little um "learning experience" of yesterday was very strenuous. I DID NOT COOPERATE. I fought him every inch of the way. I have never done that with anyone ever in my life. I made no attempt to attack or hurt him but i did everything within my power to escape. He literally overpowered me, pinned me to the floor with my arms twisted up behind my back, held me there until i was too tired to fight any more, and then reached for the closest thing within reach (and extension cord) and tied me up... pulled down my pants and then gave me the spanking i said he could not do (like you i am not a crier, i hollered a lot, but never once felt like crying) ... After that the sex was very strenuous... "Stand up, lean over and put your hands on the floor." kind of strenuous...

and because the universe has a cruel sense of humor... and i am a little old for this silliness... my back has gone into spasms.


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