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He sleeps with the daughter & falls in love with her mother.

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"And also because of this: one of her favourite activities was that she would lay on her back, like missionary-style, and she'd squeeze her thighs together. Then I'd lay on top of her and put my dick between her thighs, right up in her bush, and I'd sort of fuck her like that. She had these big meaty lips, y'know, down there, and they'd wrap around my dick, and she'd get all wet and slippery, and it felt exactly like real sex. I mean, I've never had real sex, but I can't imagine it feels any different. And then I'd cum all over her pussy."

"Well, I'd still say you're a virgin, technically. Even though you're sexually experienced."

"Yeah, I guess."

"Kind of like me."

"Wait. What?"

"I'm a virgin, too, even though I've had sexual experiences. Just like you, I've even had adultery with a teacher. Kind of."

"No! Say it isn't so!"

"It's so. But only with my hand."

"Huh?"

"I jerked off Mr. Hittle."

"What? You jerked off Barney Rubble?"

"He doesn't look like Barney Rubble. He's sexy, kind of."

"Oh, God! How could you?"

"Because I wanted to."

"Why?"

"I've jerked off loads of guys."

"Seriously? Who?"

"Adam Rausch, Devin Sheets, Mike Christlieb..."

"You've jerked off all of my friends?"

"Pretty much, except for Tyler Stahlbeck. No offense, but he's kind of a douche."

"I'll kill them! Why did you let those assholes take advantage of you?"

"They didn't take advantage of me. I took advantage of them. I love wrapping my hands around a big cock, or a small cock, or a medium cock. I'm a total hand-slut. Stroking cocks gives me pleasure."

"That's fucking strange. I can't comprehend."

"Do you remember that week when Evan Gerber's parents were out of town?"

"Yeah, when his grandma died."

"And he had a party every night with his friends."

"Yeah, those guys invited me. I didn't go because they're a pack of dorks. I'm sure those parties were nothing but sausage fests."

"Exactly. I was the only girl."

"Oh, no. Don't tell me."

"Yup. We'd always play strip poker, and somehow I always managed to lose. Those guys must have thought I was the world's worst poker player, hehehe. Anyway, after I was out of the game, I had to find something new to entertain myself, so I'd get down underneath the table, and make my way around, one at a time."

"That's disgusting."

"Funny, they always switched to regular poker-with money-shortly after I was out of the game." "So, basically, our entire school knows you as this rampaging slut who will jerk off any penis that happens to pop up in front of you."

"Yeah, kind of."

"How is it that I've never been aware of this?"

"Maybe people didn't tell you because they thought you'd be upset?"

"I'm a little upset."

"I don't see what's so bad about making people feel good. The world would be a better place if more people would give each other pleasure."

"So, we should all just go around masturbating strangers?"

"That sounds good to me."

"So, how many of these losers have you fucked?"

"Zero. I told you, I'm a virgin. I like stroking cocks, but I don't want one inside me. I don't fuck. I don't suck. I have penetration-phobia, sort of like you and Mrs. Stone. Except I don't even want a penis to touch me, except in my hand."

"This is all very unusual."

"Yep, I have an unusual sexuality, I know. Also, I think I may be a lesbian."

"I'm starting to think you're just fucking with me. You're making all this up, aren't you."

"No, I'm definitely not."

"Have you ever been with a girl?"

"Remember when I went on that ski trip with Leah Sunderland and her church group?"

"Yes."

"Well, the Holiday Inn where we stayed had a hot tub, and Leah and I were sitting in it together, and my hand kind of drifted onto her thigh, and she didn't seem to mind, so I ended up fingering her through her bathing suit. I had her right on the verge of orgasm, I think, when her brother Seth came along and plopped himself into the hot tub."

"That must have been awkward."

"A little, yeah."

"I suppose you could've relieved the tension by jerking off Seth with your other hand."

"Well, the Sunderlands

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