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Would she get all her needs met in a foreign land.
"When two people care about each other..." I stopped and realized that Mother, who had only ever had sex with my father, probably had no concept of what I was trying to say. "Mother, this might sound like a dumb question," I said. "But what do you think sex is?"
She frowned, blushed, then replied, "What do you think? It's what your daddy done to make me pregnant with you."
"What was it like?" I asked. I had no illusion that she'd tell me my father was a competent lover, but I wondered just what her sexual experiences with him were like.
Mother shrugged again. "First time he done it to me, it hurt like hell and I bled a lot," she said. "I thought I was gonna die for a while. Scared the shit outta me."
Now I knew my mother was a virgin when she married my father. "What about after that?" I asked. I was surprised Mother didn't seem at all embarrassed to be talking about this. Of course there was nothing in her experience that would have taught her to be embarrassed to talk about it. "What about after that?" I asked.
She shook her head. "Didn't hurt as much after the first time," she said. "Never bled when he done it to me after that. Mostly it was just kinda messy, I guess." She looked at me and smiled. "Best thing about lettin' him do it to me was that it got me you."
I felt tears welling up in my eyes at her comment. I walked over to her, put my arms around her, and hugged her. "It didn't ever feel good?" I asked.
Mother looked at me as if I were stupid and shook her head. "Nope. Like I said, after the first couple of times it didn't hurt all that much, but it sure as heck never felt good." She seemed to sense what I was thinking. "Why, is it supposed to feel good? Is there somethin' wrong with me 'cause it didn't?"
I pulled her into my arms and held her tightly against me. I kissed her cheek and said, "Don't worry, there's nothing wrong with you," I told her. "Nothing at all." My words apparently satisfied her because I felt her relax a little in my embrace.
She leaned back in my embrace and smiled at me. "Now havin' you hug me," she said, giggling softly, "that feels real good."
"It feels good to me, too, Mother," I told her. I leaned forward and pressed my lips lightly against hers, kissing her just as I had thousands of times before. Except that it wasn't at all like it had been thousands of times before. I'm not sure why, but that kiss, intended to be innocent, sent powerful feelings through me. I was surprised by it and didn't hold it very long and when I finally did lift my face from Mother's I saw a look in her eyes that told me the kiss was different for her, too.
"We...um...we gotta get this wood done," Mother said, looking away from me. Her face was bright red. "So I can get going on makin' dinner for your daddy."
"Ah...yeah...we...um...I guess so," I stammered in reply. I finished splitting the wood I'd cut into chunks and mother finished stacking the split wood. Then she went into the house and I used my father's chainsaw to cut more of the logs in the pile in the back yard into chunks that I would split the next day. I needed to keep on working. I hoped it would keep me from thinking about what had happened between my mother and me, but it didn't.
I finished cutting up the wood, cleaned, oiled, and fueled the chainsaw, and put it away in the shed where we kept it, then I walked into the house. It was late and I needed to get ready for work. Mother was standing at the kitchen range, stirring a pot, and when I saw her I knew that at least my life had changed forever. I was no longer looking at Mother, I was looking at a woman and it was a woman I found intriguing and alluring. For the first time, I wondered what the body hidden by mother's loose clothes looked like...and felt like.
Mother looked over at me and smiled. "This stew'll be done 'bout the time you're changed," she said. "Want me to put some out for you 'afore you head off to work?"
"Ah...sure...I...I'll...um..." I stammered.
As I stood in the shower, I found my thoughts again drifting to