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" He gave me a small, uncertain smile.

As I descended the porch stairs, I wondered if he felt conflicted because he didn't want me to go... Or if he felt guilty because seeing her was dredging up amorous feelings. After all, it had been their differing opinions on starting a family that had led to their divorce. He may still love her; she may still love him. As I climbed into my car, I began to wonder if he'd still be with her if she had wanted to have kids.

I loved him. I didn't want to lose him. But I was realizing the wisdom in the old saying, "If you love something, set it free." I needed to let him come back to me. I thought that he would, though a pained part of me feared he wouldn't.

And as much as I hated to admit it, I was better off without him if he didn't come back. Better to know now, than be 10 years into the relationship.

After I found out that my ex-husband had cheated on me, it was easy to let the love I had, go. I was angry, but I was also free to see all the ways I'd be better off without him. All the flaws I had tolerated in the name of love became glaringly evident, and I wondered why I'd put up with it for so long. I hoped that a similar thing had happened for David. I thought back to the conversations we'd had about our past relationships, and he had indicated that there had been problems before Maggie made clear to him that she didn't want children.

I wasn't going to over-react this time. I told myself that I needed to have faith in the strength of what we shared. And that if for some reason, things didn't work out... well, I'd cross that bridge if I came to it, instead of throwing myself over the side.


That evening, I sat on my couch in a tee shirt and sweat pants, watching Knocked Up for the fifteenth or sixteenth time because I love Seth Rogen. I was idly feeding pieces of half of my grilled cheese sandwich to a very happy George because my stomach was bothering me. I felt crampy, and as I watched Katherine Heigl struggle with the realization that she was expecting, I dropped the rest of the sandwich.

I realized that I had been feeling like my period was coming for at least the past week, but nothing had happened. I leaped off the couch to grab my purse and dumped it on the coffee table, rummaging around like a madwoman until I found my packet of birth control pills. I had been so discombobulated all week that I had forgotten to take my pills, so I hadn't realized that this was the week of white pills, when I was due to have my cycle.

On my television, Allison ran through the store with Debbie, frantically searching for pregnancy tests, and they dumped a bunch in the basket. My heart was pounding and I felt like that scene was about to play out in real life as I shoved my feet into my sneakers and flew out the door with my wallet and my keys, not even bothering to put all my stuff back in my purse.

I was failing miserably at remaining calm. I took a few deep, shuddering breaths and backed out of my driveway. As I started down the street on my way to the grocery store, I thought to myself that I should call my sister.

"Shit! George has my phone!" I cursed, pausing at a stop sign. "Well, that just sounds ridiculous," I muttered.

It occurred to me that it was probably best that I didn't speak with my sister at that exact moment anyway. I needed to concentrate on my driving, and I needed to make sure that I even had anything to worry about before I turned into a sputtering moron.

But I knew, as I parked my car and climbed out, realizing I probably looked like a homeless person, that I had something to worry about. Someone to worry about. I slammed my car door, then wrenched it open when I saw my wallet in the center console, cursing at myself to stop being such a wreck and focus on the task at hand.

I started towards the store and could see my reflection in the glass.